Leno. Really Funny Jokes from Daily Monologue. 10/18/05
Boy these rains are unbelievable. The gas station near my house had a flash flood yesterday. Luckily for the owner he was already up on the ladder changing the prices on his signs…so he is ok.
It hailed today! On Hollywood Boulevard it hailed. Of course, there was a panic. They thought it was raining crack.
There’s so much rain coming down. This morning on the 405 I saw a Minnesota Vikings sex cruise go by.
You know what I love about rain in Los Angeles? Driving to work in a downpour and seeing everyone’s sprinklers on in their front yards.
Well it looks like the bird flu may have jumped to humans. Last night a number of Astro fans became ill after coming into contact with Cardinals.
Congratulations to the White Sox. They could win their first World Series since 1917. Last year the Red Sox won for the first time since 1918. This year the White Sox could win for the first time since 1917. And next year the Cubs could – no, wait, they’re the Cubs, that’ll never happen.
Think about that, 1917, that was so long ago. Do you realize that was the year of Cher’s first farewell tour.
"US News and World Report” put out a breaking news flash that rumors are flying Vice President Dick Cheney might resign. Who’s going to be president now?
The Pentagon is reporting that we have captured Osama bin Laden’s barber. They are now interrogating him to find out what he knows. In fact, they say we are this close to finding out what that blue stuff is they soak the combs in.
The trial of Saddam Hussein gets underway this week in Iraq. The "E” channel is going to be recreating the trial every night using professional actors. The part of Saddam will be played by Bea Arthur.
Homeland Security Director Michael Chertoff announced he plans to expel every illegal immigrant in this country. More bad news for the New York Yankees.
Letterman Really Funny Jokes.
The results from the Iraqi election are coming in and the Suni’s are claiming that the election was rigged. So looks like they got an American style democracy after all.
The Saddam Hussein Trial starts tomorrow. He’s on trial for the murder of 143 people. But the prosecutors did give him a break – they dropped the two counts of stealing satellite TV.
Saddam is the first ruthless cold blooded dictator to be on trial since…that’s right, Martha Stewart.