Wednesday, October 26, 2005

WOW - What a Story! Suicide? Or Murder?

Suicide? Or Murder? Or Suicide?

At the 1994 annual awards dinner given for Forensic Science, AAFS president Dr. Don Harper Mills astounded his audience with the legal complications of a bizarre death. Here is the story:
On March 23, 1994, the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus and concluded that he died from a shotgun wound to the head. The decedent had jumped from the top of a ten-story building intending to commit suicide.

He left a note to that effect indicating his despondency. As he fell past the ninth floor, his life was interrupted by a shotgun blast passing through a window, which killed him instantly. Neither the shooter nor the decedent was aware that a safety net had been installed just below at the eighth floor level to protect some building workers and that Ronald Opus would not have been able to complete his suicide the way he had planned.

Ordinarily, Dr. Mills continued, "a person who sets out to commit suicide and ultimately succeeds, even though the mechanism might not be what he intended" is still defined as committing suicide. Mr. Opus was shot on the way to certain death nine stories below at street level, but his suicide attempt probably would not have been successful because of the safety net. This caused the medical examiner to feel that he had a homicide on his hands.

The room on the ninth floor from whence the shotgun blast emanated was occupied by an elderly man and his wife. They were arguing vigorously, and he was threatening her with a shotgun. The man was so upset that when he pulled the trigger he completely missed his wife and the pellets went through the window striking Mr. Opus.

When one intends to kill subject A, but kills subject B in the attempt, one is guilty of the murder of subject B. When confronted with the murder charge, the old man and his wife were both adamant. They both said they thought the shotgun was unloaded. The old man said it was his long standing habit to threaten his wife with the unloaded shotgun. He had no intention to murder her. Therefore the killing of Mr. Opus appeared to be an accident, that is, the gun had been accidentally loaded.

The continuing investigation turned up a witness who saw the old couple's son loading the shotgun about six weeks prior to the fatal accident. It transpired that the old lady had cut off her son's financial support and the son, knowing the propensity of his father to use the shotgun threateningly, loaded the gun with the expectation that his father would shoot his mother.

The case now becomes one of murder on the part of the son for the death of Ronald Opus.

Now comes the exquisite twist. Further investigation revealed that the son was in fact Ronald Opus. He had become increasingly despondent over both the loss of his financial support and the failure of his attempt to engineer his mother's murder. This led him to jump off the ten-story building on March 23rd, only to be killed by a shotgun blast passing through the ninth-story window. The son had actually murdered himself, so the medical examiner closed the case as a suicide.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Joke of the Day. Daily Jokes

Jay Leno Daily Jokes. Joke of the Day

President Bush has declared war on the bird flu. I don’t think he learns from his mistakes, like today he made a speech at a bird sanctuary in front of a big banner that said, "Mission accomplished!”

Funny Jokes.

Saddam Hussein went on trial today. I had no idea he worked in the Bush White House.

Really Funny Clean Jokes

The trial has begun. And Saddam’s lawyers say they will accept any judge except Harriet Miers. They don’t feel she is qualified.

Really Funny Clean Jokes

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Funny Jokes. Short Really Clean Jokes. Humor

Leno. Really Funny Jokes from Daily Monologue. 10/18/05

Boy these rains are unbelievable. The gas station near my house had a flash flood yesterday. Luckily for the owner he was already up on the ladder changing the prices on his signs…so he is ok.

It hailed today! On Hollywood Boulevard it hailed. Of course, there was a panic. They thought it was raining crack.

There’s so much rain coming down. This morning on the 405 I saw a Minnesota Vikings sex cruise go by.

You know what I love about rain in Los Angeles? Driving to work in a downpour and seeing everyone’s sprinklers on in their front yards.

Well it looks like the bird flu may have jumped to humans. Last night a number of Astro fans became ill after coming into contact with Cardinals.

Congratulations to the White Sox. They could win their first World Series since 1917. Last year the Red Sox won for the first time since 1918. This year the White Sox could win for the first time since 1917. And next year the Cubs could – no, wait, they’re the Cubs, that’ll never happen.

Think about that, 1917, that was so long ago. Do you realize that was the year of Cher’s first farewell tour.

"US News and World Report” put out a breaking news flash that rumors are flying Vice President Dick Cheney might resign. Who’s going to be president now?

The Pentagon is reporting that we have captured Osama bin Laden’s barber. They are now interrogating him to find out what he knows. In fact, they say we are this close to finding out what that blue stuff is they soak the combs in.

The trial of Saddam Hussein gets underway this week in Iraq. The "E” channel is going to be recreating the trial every night using professional actors. The part of Saddam will be played by Bea Arthur.

Homeland Security Director Michael Chertoff announced he plans to expel every illegal immigrant in this country. More bad news for the New York Yankees.

Letterman Really Funny Jokes.

The results from the Iraqi election are coming in and the Suni’s are claiming that the election was rigged. So looks like they got an American style democracy after all.

The Saddam Hussein Trial starts tomorrow. He’s on trial for the murder of 143 people. But the prosecutors did give him a break – they dropped the two counts of stealing satellite TV.

Saddam is the first ruthless cold blooded dictator to be on trial since…that’s right, Martha Stewart.

Monday, October 17, 2005

Funniest Jokes

This got voted the funniest joke in the world!!

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He seems to have stopped breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?"

Short Funny Jokes, Really Clean Jokes.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Funny Jokes

Leno Funny Jokes for October 11th, 2005

Huge wildfire broke out last night in Orange County. Twenty-five people were choking…no, I’m sorry, that was the New York Yankees.

Funny Jokes. Really Funny Jokes. Clean Funny Jokes.

Congratulations to the Angels. They beat the Yankees 5–3. The Yankees were so upset that right after the game, a lot of the Yankee pitchers caught the first raft home.
Clean Funny Jokes. Funny Jokes. Really Funny Jokes.

The FBI now says they are considering relaxing their drug policy on new applicants who want to join the FBI. If you’ve smoked marijuana it’s ok. You thought the FBI was losing stuff before! How bad are they gonna be when their high on weed?
Clean Funny Jokes. Funny Jokes. Really Funny Jokes. Humor.

So much for the war on drugs. I guess the new slogan is "if you can’t beat, join them!”
Clean Funny Jokes. Funny Jokes. Humor Jokes. Really Funny Jokes.

The FBI will not hire you if you smoked pot more than 15 times in your life. Not today…but the good news, you can still be president…

Here’s my question, who picked the number 15? After a guy has smoked dope 8, 10, or 13 times it’s pretty obvious that he likes it. Are there a lot of stoners going, "Oh man, this is my 14th joint. No more for me dude. I’m joining the FBI.”

Pat Robertson said that all these earthquakes and hurricanes we’ve been having are indications of the second coming. To which President Bush said, why would Santa Claus be coming around Halloween? It doesn’t make any sense.

Harriet Miers told the "New York Times” that President Bush is the most brilliant man she knows. And Vice President Dick Cheney is the greatest athlete she’s ever met.

Over the weekend Hillary Clinton was inducted into the National Women’s Hall of Fame. However she is still not in Bill Clinton’s Women’s Hall of Fame. In fact, she is not even in the top ten.

Letterman Funny Jokes for October 11th, 2005

Bill and Hillary Clinton are celebrating their 30th wedding anniversary. Bill showed up at the scene of the celebration with former President Bush.

Bill had a nice candlelight dinner planned out at a seaside hotel. We don’t know where Hillary was though.

The New York Yankees were beaten of the playoffs by the Angels. George Steinbrenner isn’t messing around…today he ordered all his players back on steroids.
Clean Funny Jokes. Funny Jokes. Humor Jokes. Really Funny Jokes.

Monday, October 10, 2005

Funny Jokes

According to the "Wall Street Journal”, we may soon be able to vote for elections by telephone using a law passed back in 2002 called the "American Idol Act”.
"Really Funny Jokes". Short Funny Jokes. Clean Funny jokes. "Clean Jokes". Daily Jokes. "Joke of the Day"

Alaska’s state tourism association has a new ad campaign to encourage tourism. The slogan is "Visit alaska before you die.” Today Florida said, "Hey, that’s our slogan!”
"Really Funny Jokes". Short Funny Jokes. "Clean Jokes". Daily Jokes. "Joke of the Day". Clean Funny jokes.

That’s the slogan, visit Alaska before you die. Or you can see Alaska on Amtrak and do both.
"Really Funny Jokes". Joke of the Day". Short Funny Jokes. Clean Funny jokes. "Clean Jokes". Daily Jokes."

Friday, October 07, 2005

Joke of the Day

Leno Jokes 10/6/05

President Bush is out defending his Supreme Court nominee Harriet Miers. President Bush said that Miers has a good heart. Well sure, compared to Dick Cheney.
Really Funny Jokes, Short Funny Jokes, Clean Funny Jokes. "Joke of the Day"

This is national book month. Or as President Bush calls it, October.
Short Funny Jokes. Joke of the Day. Really Funny Jokes, Clean Funny Jokes

A Baptist church in Houston has opened up a McDonald’s. How fat are those gospel singers going to be?!
Clean Funny Jokes, Short Funny Jokes, "Joke of the Day". Really Funny Jokes

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Short Jokes

Well it's finally autumn in Los Angeles. It’s the time where the leaves turn red--because they're on fire! Short Jokes. Really Funny Jokes

These fires! Earlier today, I saw a guy selling maps to where the stars homes used to be.
The firemen called today and said they were able to save your crops. I don’t know what that means. "Joke of the Day"

The fires in the valley, it like they started all at once. All over the valley. You don’t think this is part of the government's war on pornography, did you ever think of that?

On MSNBC the other night, Alabama State Senator Hank Erwin said he believes the hurricanes that hit New Orleans were sent by God to punish people for sin, gambling and wickedness. That's crazy, God doesn't send hurricanes to punish people - he sends FEMA. Short Jokes. Really Funny Jokes

Well there’s a new hurricane that hit Mexico on this past Saturday. The good news, nobody had to evacuate because they’re already here. "Joke of the Day"

Rumor has it that President Bush has started drinking again. Do you know what that means...all the decisions he’s made up until now...he’s been sober. "Joke of the Day"

According to "People” magazine, Lance Armstrong paid $10,000 for his dog to have open heart surgery. The dog is a 9-year-old yellow lab named Cheney! Short Jokes. Really Funny Jokes

Monday, October 03, 2005

Joke of the Day

Friday September 30th, 2005 Joke of the Day

Welcome to Los Angeles. Where it’s not the itching, it’s the burning that’s bothering us now.
Oh my God! Do you believe these fires?! In one day we’ve gone from a blue state to a red state.
In fact, there is so much smoke and soot in the air you can’t even see the smog.

People are doing whatever they can to stay safe. Like today William Shatner switched to an asbestos toupee.
- Joke of the Day, Daily Jokes, Really Funny jokes, Clean Funny Jokes

Today "The New York Times” reporter Judy Miller was released from jail. They had to release her to make room and Tom Delay.

President Bush is asking people to conserve gasoline and only drive when it is absolutely 100% necessary: for example, if you live in Los Angeles, stay off the freeway unless you have to shoot somebody.

According to the national enquirer, president bush has started drinking again. You know who I feel sorry for, Barbara Bush. Her son’s hitting the bottle and her husband’s hanging out with Bill Clinton. She’s the one who should be drinking.

Meanwhile, Dick Cheney and his oil company buddies are going to appear on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?”

A White House spokesman has announced that Dick Cheney’s recovery is exceeding his doctor’s expectations. Which means – he’s still alive.
- Clean Funny Jokes, Joke of the Day, Daily Jokes, Really Funny Jokes