Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Nightly Jokes for October 31st, 2005

Leno


Happy Halloween everybody! I’m not going trick or treating until Wednesday. Do you know why? I’m going to go as a FEMA worker.

What’s with this fun size candy now? Have you noticed, our Halloween candy is getting smaller and smaller yet our kids are getting fatter and fatter. How is that possible?

NBC didn’t do anything special for Halloween. If they want to get scared all they do is look at the networks ratings.

This is sad. Did you hear what Harriet Miers dressed up as tonight? A Supreme Court Justice. It was her only chance.

President Bush was asked how he came up with a conservative like Alito. Bush said he got the idea over the weekend while turning the clocks back.

As you know, over the weekend, people in the White House set their clocks back to Watergate.

Setting the clocks back of course means that the nights are now getting longer. More bad news for Scooter Libby.

Of course, the big question now is, what did President Bush know and when was it explained to him?

Anti war protestor, Cindy Sheehan said that she would tie herself up at the White House to get President Bush’s attention. Right idea, wrong president. I think that was more Bill’s kind of thing.

Letterman


(Rerun) Tonight Bill and Hillary Clinton celebrated their 30th wedding anniversary. Bill showed up to the scene with former President Bush.

Bill planned out a nice quiet dinner for two at a seaside hotel. We don’t know where Hillary was.

Conan


(Rerun) CNN is reporting that Bill Gates, the richest man in the world has received a raise from Microsoft. Gates says that he is happy about the raise and now he can finally buy that Canada he’s had his eye on.

President Bush’s list of Supreme Court nominees is down to a list of 12 people – or as Bush says, "All my fingers and two toes.”

Geraldo is getting a new fall TV show. No word yet on the name of the show since "The Biggest Loser” is already taken.

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