Jay Leno Short Jokes on Dec 5th, 05
In Texas, President Bush has been called for jury duty. He says he is going to serve. We want him to get out of Iraq. He can’t even get out of jury duty.
Actually, President Bush was pretty excited about being called until he found out it wasn’t for the Saddam Hussein trial.
President Bush came out again today for expanding his guest worker program. That’s the program where immigrants are eligible can take those low paying jobs no one wants. Like Dodgers manager.
This past weekend the United States held it’s 1000th execution. The USC-UCLA football game.
USC beat UCLA 66 to 19. I haven’t seen anything that lopsided since the last time I turned on Fox News.
66-19. Or as the University of Colorado calls it, a close game.
The only yardage UCLA gained all day was when their marching band took the field.
The President of Pakistan has announced that they have killed a top al-Qaeda leader. On the news they said that this leader ranked somewhere between the number three and the number five man. I’m going out on a limb here…wouldn’t that make him the number four guy.
The White House announced they sent out 1.4 million Christmas cards this year. When Bill Clinton was president, he sent out twice that number of cards. Of course, that was for Valentine’s Day.
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(Rerun) The hunting season in New York has begun. You can tell too – all the rats are wearing their orange vests.
I love hunting season. And what is more American than accidentally shooting your drinking buddy?
My son Harry turned two years old today! He now has a full head of hair. He no longer wets his pants. I am so jealous.
It’s still hard for me to believe I have a son. It’s still hard for him to believe I’m not his grandpa.
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